Greetings peasants.

I don't know why I bother. That was supposed to be a joke, you know. You were supposed to laugh, not take insult. Never mind. If you can't take a joke, that's your problem. Just don't bother reading any more (should I ever get round to writing more, that is) because you're sure to be mortally offended.

Why am I doing this?
It's his lordship's fault. He has a new toy and is posting slanderous messages about me, here, there and everywhere. He's even writing stories about my adventures. Stories, I might say, which bear next to no resemblance to the truth.
Well, two can play at that game!

Me.
Your Princess.
This is my "Driving men mad with desire" pose

Bold handsome knights etc should form an orderly line before my throne. Drooling with desire for me while waiting for me to deign to notice you is perfectly acceptable behaviour. Before you get too many ideas, though, I should warn you that, unfeeling swine though he may be, my man is a lot harder than you are.